Please Help Deadspin Dig Up Dirt on Tom Brady

In case you haven’t noticed, things have been, to put it mildly, fairly contentious between us and Deadspin the last few years. Their writers have come after everyone at Barstool, myself included. And I’m not mad at them. Honestly, I’m not. In fact, I have pity for them. If you ever bother to read one of their attempts at a hit piece, you can just hear the desperation in their written voice. How they’re getting paid piecework over at that Dickensian sweatshop, driven by their smug, self-righteous overseers to get the maximum amount of pageviews, regardless of the human cost. Or the quality. And that usually means writing something, anything, about Barstool. And their despair saddens me.

Which is why I appreciate what Tim Marchman is doing here. He’s branching out. Trying something new. While his defeated, downtrodden fellow drones are huddled over their laptops furiously hammering away on the keys for Barstool-related clicks to appease their taskmasters, he’s pivoting to Tom Brady. They zig, he zags. They troll, he trawls. For dirt. His attempt is admirable.

And in the spirit of a new year in which I’ve resolved to become a better person and achieve my true potential, I’ve decided take the high road on this one. I’m going to help Tim Marchman. And I suggest that every Stoolie help him too. He’s provided us with the contact info. His email is marchman@gizmodomedia.com. He’s looking for Tom Brady performance enhancement dirt, I say we give him all the Tom Brady performance enhancement dirt Deadspin can handle. In order to help. In the spirit of cooperation. I’ll start.

Hey Tim-

Here’s what I’m hearing about Brady. There’s a source at an “anti-aging” clinic in Indianapolis called the Guyer Institute where Brady and his wife were regular customers. The source said on a hidden camera interview that he was providing Brady with HGH. And just to cover his tracks, the drugs were being mailed to Brady’s wife. Who just so happened to be nursing twins, which makes her a pretty lousy candidate for performance enhancing drugs, but that excuse gave Brady cover because any time someone would ask about the source, he could hide behind his family’s “privacy.”

Now when the interview with this source was reported, a couple of hired goons working for the Brady family showed up at the house of the source’s parents asking questions. This guy’s mom and dad were under the impression that these guys were cops and felt intimidated and scared. So that’s worth looking into for sure.

Finally, around the time he was going to Guyer, Brady went overseas to get treatment for his back and neck that are not legal in the States under federal regulations. And after that, he went out and had not only his own personal best season, but statistically the best season by any quarterback ever. At a very advanced aged. Smells pretty fishy to me.

Good luck! I hope you find something and bring this cheater down! Viva!

Your pal,
Jerry

Alright, I did my part. Now you guys do yours. Help Deadspin out.